How One Reader Conquered Her Addiction to Food, Gambling & Smoking
Today’s guest blog is by Lara Anastos — for the sake of her children, I’m keeping her real name private :)
Notice how Lara moves each time from addiction, into a deeper Self Love. Have you read the book When I Loved Myself Enough by Kim & Alison McMillen?
A few quotes from it:
- When I loved myself enough I quit ignoring or tolerating my pain.
- When I loved myself enough I could feel God in me and see God in you. That makes us divine!
In her story below, Lara teaches us that:
- Life is a Path and a Presence, not a destination
- Take one conscious step at a time on the Path, and
- One conscious breath at a time in the Presence
You are gifted with the power to choose. Love the choice you make. When your mind tells you it’s “wrong,” don’t believe Monkey Mind.
Your choice is always right for YOU right here and right now. One day you will see that.
Come sit in the circle and listen to Lara’s story…
I remember standing in the kitchen staring into the open fridge when I heard my father’s voice shouting “Are you F*cking eating again!” I was 13 years old. There was no way I could escape the generous fat genes of my Greek ancestors.
God bless my father, he has a strong dislike for overweight people. He believes they have no self respect and therefore no one will respect them. I’ll just mention that he too has always been overweight. My granny will bake an oven dish of Baklava (Greek pastry nuts syrup cake) and while eating the entire tray on his own, he’ll swear about how disgusting it tastes and why does she even bother to bake anything.
My father smoked cigarettes from a young age until he gave up at 35. As a result he believes in the power of the mind. Today he is a healthy 66 year-old and a power lifter (gym bunny). He’s still eating trays of goodies on the sly. He is still overweight and judging others.
Food was and still is a challenging part of my life.
Addiction in its shadow form is an archetype I have finally accepted. It started with food, from my teen years, starving myself to binging out of control. Moving into my married life in my twenties where I turned to gambling. I was smoking cigarettes from the age of 15 because it was “cool.”
The gambling addiction I managed to give up when I realized I had to accept responsibility for my own life and my actions. How did I get to this realization? I’d told my manic depressive husband of that time I wanted out of the marriage. That made him feel insecure. He became aggressive with me, especially when he’d been drinking. Today he has a serious hard drugs problem.
After a long day out visiting at friends for a child’s birthday party, many drinks later, my ex husband tried to punch me in front of my children. He accused me of infidelity. I was lucky enough to duck out of his fist’s way. He missed and broke his knuckles on the wall.
I made an internal decision to plan my departure, carefully. Four months later I made my escape. I sent my children overseas with my sister on the pretense that we’d join them later that week. He had threatened suicide. He’d been threatening to kill me and the children almost every day since I told him I wanted to leave the marriage. The rest as they say is History.
It took me a while to become consciously aware, two years to be exact, that my gambling was directly linked to my feelings of being trapped in a marriage I desperately wanted to escape from.
Addicted to Smoking
Once I received liberty from this marriage, I thought I had everything under control, well almost everything, until the next couple of relationships where I felt trapped again!
So began my “eat myself ugly” trick. After leaving each relationship, I felt in control of my life again. But all this time, I was still addicted to cigarettes. Luckily they made me nauseous in my pregnancies. I gave up the two times I was pregnant, but took up smoking as soon as I could after giving birth to my beautiful children. The irony is that I believed smoking controlled my weight even while overweight!
I am aware of the emotional “control” issues, and others, that I have. The road I chose to take 14 years ago (just before my divorce) has led me onto an amazing road of self discovery. I have worked through feelings of worthlessness, humiliation and failure, over and over again.
The only thing I can gladly share now is that I am 43 and once again discovering myself – this time with the one energy that counts, Self Love.
My Self Love started four years ago when I gave up cigarettes, and committed to honoring my body as an alternative.
Conquering Sugar Addiction
Unfortunately I replaced my addiction for cigarettes with sugar. I was like a deprived child feeding on sweets and chocolates.
Finally after going back to dealing with my emotional issues, I have managed to make conscious choices around:
- my eating – by choosing to eat what nurtures my health,
- my physical body – by choosing to run five days a week, and
- my emotional well being – by choosing to be present and aware as much as I possibly can with Self Love talk.
It’s liberating to know that I am responsible for all my actions and especially for how I choose to feel.
Through this amazing journey of life, I have tapped into and discovered my passion for Spiritual Healing and Soul Coaching.
I understand now that life is a journey of Self Discovery, and not a dead end road to perfection.
P. S. from Val
To become aware of the Love inside you, it helps to say:
- I AM Presence
- I AM the Love of God
- then close your eyes and breathe deeply
You are not an addict. You are shining Light. You are walking round with broad daylight inside you in the middle of the darkest night.
Then watch your thoughts, emotions, cravings – your life – transform.
Healthy cells crave healthy food. They will not let you eat junk :)
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Hello Val, I really love your site, it has to be one of the best raw food sites I have found on the net.